My Heart
Each week when I sit to write, I sit with the hope of writing something that may inspire someone, uplift someone, and encourage someone along their spiritual journey. Today I feel a little soap boxy.
Spoiler alert, there is a lot on my heart. Today I am going to speak honestly with the sincere desire to cause no offense. Today I write what is living in the deepest parts of me.
The first inspiration when I sat today was a thought: “Love”. What came was more like a dialogue with my higher self. It went like this:
Me: Love. Really? Love, surely there’s more to say and do.
Higher Self: Nope, not really. If all of you – starting with you – just love. Love yourselves, love one another, love God, these things that seem so big and daunting and ugly won’t be here. They are teaching you to love.
Me: Surely there is more. Surely there are rules and laws and other things to change and fix so we can stop this mess we’re in.
Higher Self: Are you not listening to what I say? You use these words often when you speak, I know you believe them so now live them.
Me: what words do you mean?
Higher Self: The words of the Greatest Commandment – you talk about it all the time. The words of the New Commandant – you spoke them Sunday in time of communion.
Me: Yes. Yes, I do speak of these often. Yes, I do believe them. Yes, I do try to live them. When I listen, I hear so much hate and I see so much inequity. Today I read of a white man, a distressed man, a man who hurt his wife because he is hurting, was peacefully taken by police to a mental health hospital. I am glad it went that way for him. Then I remember the faces of black men and women whose stories don’t end so well. Their lives are taken, cut short. Men and women who have committed no crime are gone from our earth and my heart hurts. It really hurts. What more can I do?
Higher Self: Love
Me: Come on I want more, I need more, I need to see us treat each other better. I want to see us not call one another stupid, idiot, or ninny because we have different opinions. I want to know that all people are safe and welcomed wherever they walk or run or sleep. I want to know that we are fair with one another. I want the ugly hatred to stop. I want the words that hurt one another to stop.
Higher Self: You want a lot
Me: Am I wanting too much? Are my wants unreasonable? Surely, they’re not!
Higher Self: No, keep wanting all that you want. And love.
Me: Can we stop with the love and get on to something else that will make a change. I feel angry with the hate that I hear and see. I feel disappointed in people who are supposed to be leading, I feel fed up with the bleakness that I see. I sit in silence for many minutes. It seems like endless moments of deep silence. Silence lingers until I begin to feel uncomfortable yet I am compelled to sit.
Higher Self: I hear your words. Look again. Look at my world again and again and again. Look until you find someone being love. Look until you find someone caring for another. Look as long as you need to until you see my hand at work. Keep looking my beloved until your heart softens into love. Yes, there remains much for humans to do to bring my world to love. Remember to let all you do be done with love.
With that, the tears do fall. With that, my shoulders drop. With that God moves. God moves in me.
Friends, these are challenging days and nights, for many- including me. Perhaps they are for you as well. You can see they are for me. I know there is so much more for me to learn, to feel, and to grow through. I know my feelings are shared with some and rebuked by some. That’s ok with me. We, as a diverse people, will likely never see everything the same. In fact, that could be quite dull. It hurts my heart to hear newscasts of the words and actions of people against one another. There is much to do to make our world a better place for all people. What each of us chooses to contribute individually depends upon our inner guidance. Together, we can pray. Together, we can hold the high watch. Together, we can hold the vision of peaceful, harmonious coexistence with all people.
The answer, to this turbulent space we now occupy, that I hear over and over again is to love. So, I shall continue to love. I shall draw from the depth of me to love. I shall stand and speak in the face of what is not love. I will call and write and walk to implore our leaders to be advocates for love. Yes, if love is good enough for God, then it will be good enough for me. Today I say “yes” to yet one more opportunity to return to love.
Thank you for reading my words. Today they are my heart.
Blessings,
Rev. Karen