It was a beautiful Sunday morning in Dallas. For me, this Sunday had a special excitement. After sharing the lesson “Where do we go from here?” I was making the drive to Unity Village for a few days of relaxation. My bags were packed and I gave my crew (Micah, Luna, Sophia, and Arthur”) their goodbye hugs and reminded them that I loved them, and off I went.
On the way to Unity on Greenville, I received a text that our video tech was sick and couldn’t be with us. He was kind enough to add that he would walk us through the setup so that we could live stream to Facebook with all of our new equipment and programs. It was a first for Herb who is our audio tech. Herb is a very pleasant and accommodating person and we decided we could do this. Through Patrick’s telephone support, we thought we were set to go at 10:55. As Rachel played her intro music, all indications were a success!
I logged on to Facebook on my cell phone just to be certain we were streaming. Seeing the video, I congratulated Herb for being a genius with the telephone technical instructions and I took my place to begin the service. Little did I know at the time that the video I viewed was from the prior Sunday. The celebration service went on smoothly, or so I thought. There was actually no live stream!
I initially felt so very discouraged that I had disappointed the people who join us by live stream each Sunday. From disappointment, I began falling down the slippery slope of negative self-talk. One of my greatest responsibilities is to deliver the Sunday celebration service and this week, I did not accomplish that for the people who view the service virtually. I began the barrage of questions about my ability, intellect, and worthiness. Just before I went over the edge of that cliff, Mark Titus shared his wise words about how fortunate I am to get to practice everything I teach and talk about. With that, I was reeled back into what I had just spoken at the close of my lesson, and at that very moment I was invited to live the words I had shared just moments ago:
Wherever you go from here, go with kindness, beginning with yourself.
Wherever you go from here, go with compassion, beginning with yourself.
Wherever you go from here; go with love, beginning with yourself.
With that, the tension began to soften and I could feel my shoulders drop. As I drove away from Dallas toward Unity Village, I drove in the spaciousness of silence. The miles after miles of road opened before me for an effortless drive. The landscape was lush, green, and beautiful with every curve on the highway. The streams and lakes were full after the weeks of rain. As I took in the beauty and grace of creation there was greater space for me to resolve the fact that remained - the Sunday Celebration Service wasn’t live-streamed. Now, as I thought about it, there was gentleness and even gratitude for the efforts that went into attempting to make the Livestream happen. There was a bit more easiness with myself and what is mine to do. I could feel my mind and body relax as the miles went on.
I stopped for fuel and noticed the car behind me. One person was filling their tank, there was another person in the passenger seat on their cell phone and in the middle back seat was a child, about three years old, secured in their car seat. Our eyes met and I smiled at the child and when I waved, they put their hands up over their eyes. From there, we played peek-a-boo while my gas tank filled. I waved bye to them and they again covered their face. I smiled; my whole body smiled. With that full-body smile, I let go of all the blame I had dumped on myself. I let go of what should have been and allowed the reality of what was.
I recalled the words of Matthew 18:3:
And he said: "Truly I tell you unless you change and become
like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
I know that the presence of this child and their playful ways was not an accident, they were an angel on my path to remind me that all is truly well. Their presence was perfectly timed. I thought of all the movements of time and space that put this precious little one in my world at that precise moment to remind me to be like a child. To move with the ease and playfulness of a child. To be open to the world and all that is to be learned and experienced in life. To remember that I can choose heaven each moment in my heart and mind, even if I have not yet mastered the realm of technology.
I have much gratitude for this young child who gave me the final lift I needed to be at peace and to smile with joy. Their playfulness from the back seat of their car touched me in untold ways. I am grateful to Mark for knowingly or unknowingly rescuing me from the cliff of blame and self-shame. Yes, it's ok to take my responsibilities seriously. Then, I too can choose to move forward with the reality of what is. I am grateful for Herb and Patrick who gave their best efforts to produce the Facebook live stream.
Oh yes, I do get to practice all that I teach. I have no doubt that those final words of my lesson on Sunday were words intended to guide me on my spiritual journey of ever-expanding awareness. I have no doubt that the words that were spoken from my lips were for me to grow into accepting those parts of me that seem to fall short of my personal expectations. I am certain they were for me to remember to show compassion, kindness, and love beginning with myself.
I feel immense gratitude for these teachings that continue to inspire me and guide my way in the ever-growing consciousness of the Truth of life.
Much love and many blessings,
Rev. Karen